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Wednesday, May 12th, 2004
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10:38 am
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| Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
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12:11 am - and i thought i knew what heartbreak was.
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wow. let me tell you, everything i've ever felt and considered to be heartbreak before tonight was nothing.
it was a whole string of events... first i got really hot, like almost sweating. then my hands starting shaking like there was no tomorrow. then i couldnt breathe, my breath got caught in my throat and i couldnt get it out or in. then finally i started crying so hardcore that i was sobbing, ive never cried that hard in my life.
i hope i never have to experieince that again.
(p.s. for anyone that cares, things are okay now. nothing happened.)
<3 Julie~
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| Sunday, April 11th, 2004
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1:36 pm
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happy easter!
spring break?
its been good. lots of olivia and billy which are both always wonderful. i got a dress for prom, just waiting for it to come in cause they didnt have my size. we got a new air conditioner? not sure why. i actuallly have a little bit og color! weird.
i cant wait until softball season is over so i can get a haircut.
last thursday i went to pitching practice and i hit the speed i was at eight months ago. good news! also, coach says i can gain two or three miles an hour by the end of the season. nice.
work is giving more hours finally. i actually dont mind working anymore. just gotta think of the money ill be getting. err... the end?
Julie~
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| Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
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5:41 pm - ehhhhh... im bored.
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1. First Name: Julie
2. Do you wish on stars? yeah, only when its really important
3. When did you last cry? last weekend i think... i cry a lot
4. Do you like your handwriting? hah! i write like my dad... and that isnt a good thing
5. Any bad habits? yeah, i worry WAY too much, and im a little overemotional too.
6. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? err... if i say no itll make me sound depressed and if i say yes itll make me sound concieted... which way to go?
7. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? nope, im good at keeping them things
8. Do looks matter? not really, more of a plus
9. Where is your second home? either olivia's house or billy's.
10. Do you trust others easily? NOT AT ALL!!!
11.What class in school do you think is totally useless? hmm... history maybe.
12. Do you use sarcasm a lot? not really
13. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? nope... cant say that i have
14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? i wear flip flops, they generally dont have shoe laces
15. Do you think that you are strong? for a girl of my size, yeah
16. What's your favourite ice cream flavour? oreo
17. What is your least favourite thing? feeling lonely
18. How many people have a crush on you right now? id go with about none
19. Who do you miss most right now? billy <333
20. What colour pants are you wearing? blue softball shorts, bummin time.
21. What are you listening to right now? my mom talking to her blasted dog. i swear he'll never stop licking me. ack.
22. Last thing you ate? fries. im obsessed.
23. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be and why? blue... cause thats my favorite color, and i suppose i like water, and the sky. those are both blue right?
24. What is the weather like right now? partly cloudy with a few spots of sun here and there.
25. Last person you talked to on the phone? billy <333
26. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? how they treat women in their life... i.e. mom sister friends. ect.
27. How are you today? pretty darn happy, we just won a game and i got billy to take pictures with me in photo. =D
28. Favourite drink? pina colada!!!
29. Favourite Sport/s? uh... duh? softball all the way. even though too much gets bad.
30. Are you too shy to ask someone out? duh, anyways... im old fashioned and i think the guy should have to do all the work.
31. Scary movies or happy endings? happy endings... i get nightmares
32. Hugs or kisses? kisses...mmmhmmm, the best thing in the world.
33. Relationships or one night stands? relationships... i aint no hoe.
34. Do you want your friends to comment? there isnt anything to comment on, im just bored. but i guess if they want to.
35. Who is least likely to respond? amie (no offense)
36. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up? billy... and not in that way!
Julie~
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| Monday, March 29th, 2004
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5:06 pm - i get the feeling...
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that im gonna end up at the art institute... which is where id like to go. but its expensive... and my dad isnt sure he approves yet...
Julie~
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| Saturday, March 27th, 2004
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2:10 pm - ...
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college is really starting to freak me out...
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| Friday, March 26th, 2004
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10:17 am - (mushy...) happy four!
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Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby
oooooooh, I'm so glad I
I will never find another lover
sweeter than you
sweeter than you
and I will never find another lover
more precious than you
more precious than you
girl you are
close to me just like my mother
close to me just like my father
close to me just like my sister
close to me just like my brother
you are the only one
you're my everything
and for you this song I sing
All my life
I pray for someone like you
and I thank God
that I
that I finally found you, baby
all my life
I pray for someone like you
and I hope that you
feel the same way too
yes, I pray that you
do love me too
I said you're all that I'm thinking of
la la la la la la la
baby, la la la la la la
said, I promise to never fall in love with a stranger
you're all I'm thinking of
I praise the Lord above
for sending me your love
I cherish every hug
I really love you so much
And all my life (baby baby)
I pray for someone like you
and I thank God
(that I've found you)
that I finally found you (oh)
all my life
I pray for someone like you (ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh)
and I hope that you
feel the same way, too
yes, I pray that you
do love me
You're all that I ever know
when you smile
my face always seems to glow
you turned my life around
you picked me up when I was down
you're all that I ever know
when you smile my face glow
you picked me up when I was down
said you're all that I ever know
when you smile my face glow
you picked me up when I was down
And I hope that you
feel the same way too
yes I pray that you do love me too
and all my life
I pray for someone like you
and I thank God that I
that I finally found you
all my life
I pray for someone like you
yes I pray that you
do love me too
all my life
I pray for someone like you
and I thank God that I
that I finally found you
all my life
I pray for someone like you
yes I pray that you
do love me too
and all my life
I pray for someone like you
and I thank God
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| Sunday, March 21st, 2004
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1:32 am - this is an entry for me...
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i discovered something about myself tonight...
i have no self- esteem what-so-ever... it causes all sorts of problems in my life, and i think it causes my irrational mood swings. so ive been crying for about thirty minutes and screaming at myself "why am i doing this? whats wrong with me?" god im trying really hard not to push away the person that means the most to me right now. i dont know how i can expect billy to put up with me... obviously im physco, i just hope i wont ever lose him.
i honestly dont see myself as a person worth keeping, i dont find myself attractive, i dont think i have any sort of personality, and im sure i get boring after a while. i dont know how to fix my paranoia but i can try.
i just need one person thats willing to help me. thats willing to put up with me no matter what it takes. i know i need reasurrance all the time, but i dont know how to make myself beleive the reassurance im getting.
i just need you.
Julie~
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| Sunday, March 14th, 2004
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6:48 pm - reassurance
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im feeling very unsure of myself today... like, i almost cried over something that isnt even going to happen. or so i think.
Julie~
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| Thursday, March 11th, 2004
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10:09 pm
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oh man... im in such a good mood. seriously.
serious note brother
i have all these reservations about my brother moving in. even though i keep telling myself along with everyone around me that it'll be fine and i'll be fine... i cant help seeing the bad side of things. what if he fucks m family up again? he stole so much money from us before and caused my mom so much pain. hell, apparently he almost caused my mom and dad to split up. im scared, not just or my family... but a strange 28 year old man/ex-convict is going to be living down the hall from me. and i thought my family was abnormally normal? the worst part is i cant talk to my parents about any of it.
yours truly...
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| Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
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9:41 pm - morning coffee...
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isnt the best part of waking up finding someone else you cant get enough of?
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| Sunday, March 7th, 2004
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11:31 am
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last night was perfect...
nights like that make me wonder if life could possibly get any better. words can mean more than actions sometimes.
Julie~
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| Friday, March 5th, 2004
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2:37 pm
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so my mamma is still away and ive started softball again. i can still pitch and billy's been to all my games so far!
im really happy with the way things are going in photo right now.
my cousin sucks.
my dad had a really good birthday and that makes me happy...
and cathy and i are becoming better friends. =D not to mention olivia and i have gotten really close and shes "seeing" billy's best friend.
on another note, i kinda feel like ive been getting on billy's nerves lately and i really feel bad. maybe things will get better when he's not grounded anymore.
the end.
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| Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
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9:39 pm
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mamma went away today and dad and i are left to fend for ourselves...
i really dont know whats been wrong with me lately but i cry really easily and laugh even easier... i think im having billy withdrawls... teehee
my first game is tomorrow against ely, ill get to see liz and pitch a couple innings but the other two girls will probably pitch more cause they wanna save me for the district game.
Julie~
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| Sunday, February 29th, 2004
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7:28 pm
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today was a really wierd day. it felt like i never really lived it and ill wake up tomorrow and do it all again.
i know i woke up, i remember that cause it sucked that i couldnt sleep in cause i couldnt breathe. I also remember buying new sheets cause my old ones had a hole in them. I know somehow i wound up at work... but i dont remember driving there... nor do i remember driving home. i dont remember most of work and im not exactly sure of what i did up until this point. i know i ate dinner, i remember that... but the other two hours are a blur. why? maybe because im tired and sick... who knows. weird day.
work wasnt too bad, jen and i got along and i got anna's screen name so me and her can talk now. i got to leave early cause im sick and i got my paycheck. i wish i would have had time/energy to wash my car today. i also wish i coulda seen billy.
last night was fun, watched some cracked out christina ricci movies and then jason came and we danced on the roof of his car...
the end...
p.s. i miss you babe!!!
Julie~
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10:26 am
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my cat died last night...
im sick...
and i have to work today...
bleh!
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| Friday, February 27th, 2004
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5:22 pm
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i hope i get to see you sometime this weekend!!!
olivia and i are gonna go see a movie and get some food tonight, maybe visit billy at work if we have time and he isnt too busy...
im definantly going to be a photographer...
the end.
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| Thursday, February 26th, 2004
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8:30 am
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im really really sore from pitching. no lie, i feel like death all over. not to mention im sick...anyways... i took this picture in photography that i really like. i even got to print it on 11x14 paper... oh yeah.
today is three months!!! happy three months babe!!!
i dont know how, but every "best day ever" that i've had with billy keeps getting topped so that i can never really say "this has been the best day ever" because they are all the best. if that makes any sense.
well... nothing to do in photo, im ahead in AP, annnnnnddd we have a 'free day' in chemistry. sounds like a good day to stay home. too bad billy's 'grounded' sorta. sigh.
i gotsta work tonight, i hope i can make it through four hours without dying, i really need the hours but i also really need the rest. trying to feel better so i can pitch at stranahan's saturday practice. we'll see...
thats all...
Julie~
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| Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
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10:02 pm - two apples
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lets start this one off on a cheery note... the two sweetest things anybodies ever done for me.
a) refrain from doing something i know they wanted to do because i wasnt doing it.
b) take me to a field and catch for me so i can make a very important descision. =D
im ahead in AP for once! yey! and im ahead in photography too. olivia and i have gotten a lot more chillin time lately and i love her to death. cathy and erika have also also been there for me at school. i think i might enjoy the end of the year field trip after all.
signed,
i wonder if im going? too awkward to ask...
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| Friday, February 20th, 2004
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6:34 pm
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ive been going to the stranahan softball games since the season started and today they played ft. lauderdale, our rival. i was sitting behind that fence wishing i could put on a uniform and go out there and pitch. im starting to think that quitting for good was a mistake. it just takes up so much time, i did it for ten years. its hard to tell what i want. if i keep playing i cant have a job, or at least not much of one. maybe ill get billy to take me to a field and catch for me and i can see if i still really want to do it. i hate making life changing decisions.
Julie~
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